I was so wrong..so unafraid
so happy..so hopeful..so far
I was..
Why do I even bother to hope?
Why was there a smile on my face?
Why this hell?
I thought I had something
I thought I was dreaming
Maybe I was..

Why do I even get up
when I always have to fall down
again and again..?
Why do I think..why do I live?
Why am I all alone?
in this sea of nothing
in this ocean of evilness
of coldness..of despair..
Why am I such a hypocrite?
Why am I so stupid?
so worthless..
since I have a choice
Was I given the choice?
I’ll never know what that is..
I wish there was a point to me
to who I am..to why I am
but I can’t find any..
I can’t find one single reason

Every beginning is nothing but
a promise..
a promise of death
a promise of hell..
Every hope is nothing but
a higher ground to fall from
how far will I go this time?
Every smile is nothing but
a joke told by the devil
we even think it’s funny..
Every dream is nothing but
one kick in the ass
pushing us farther and farther
I wonder why it doesn’t hurt..

I thought I heard something
a whisper..
Everything is so silent
so unreal..so cunningly created
by a demon
set to torture us without having
any conscience or feelings or anything..
to the end of our days
to the end of our souls..
I wonder why I am still here
on this chair..writing..