FADE IN:

INT. EMPTY ROOM:

Nothing happens for about 10 minutes.

INT. SAME ROOM, BUT NOW IS DECORATED WITH OLD NAKED MALES ON BEDS:

UGLY OLD MALE:
I always thought of my mum as a good woman.

VERY UGLY OLD MALE:
What do you think about your mom?

UGLY OLD MALE:
Must be the real actors!

VERY UGLY OLD MALE:
Who are those?

The UGLY OLD MALE goes to the window and waves to corpses.

Camera goes off the window, executes some loops, the cameraman drops it from a great hight.

CAMERA MAN:
There goes my sallary...

EXT. RANDOM LOCATION:

Ambulance sirens, police car parked in a wrong place, people waving at the UGLY OLD MALE.

INT. A BUTT-HOLE:

SPECTATOR DIN PRIMUL RAND:
This movie really smells like teen shit.

Camera executa tot felul de miscari alambicate, apoi cade si se sfarama pe podeaua de marmura.

GASPAR NOE smacks cameraman's face with an extinguisher, than fires stuntman.

FADE OUT:

GASPAR NOE calls NADIA COMANECI, the retired gymnast:

NADIA COMANECI (talking at the phone):
Yes!

GASPAR NOE (talking at the phone):
Hello, would you like to make a movie?

GASPAR NOE:
OK crew, we don't have any more money for special effects.
This movie will really suck. Why don't we do it reverse?

CREW:
Are we still gonna get our sallarys?

GASPAR NOE:
No.

Crew leaves the hangar. GASPAR NOE decides to make the movie anyway.

INT. SUBWAY:

MONICA BELLUCI:
I always get fucked by nice people, that's why I always have at least an orgasm every half an hour.

INT. RED TUNNEL prevestind ceva rau:

RAPIST waits for MONICA BELLUCI dupa colt. MONICA BELLUCI appears. RAPIST rapes her in the ass.

INT. PARTY HOUSE:

MONICA BELLUCI:
I'm bored. Let's film the raping scene again.

INT. NICE ORANGE ROOM:

GASPAR NOE:
There is something you urgently need to do... to atract viewers...

VINCENT CASSEL:
Should I do my famous trick?

MONICA BELLUCI:
Noooo. I'm bored... Let's fuck!

GASPAR NOE:
Perfect!

10 minutes of fucking follow.

SPECTATOR:
Cooool! N-am inteles nimic din filmul asta... dar merita sa il mai vad o data!